Island Tiffiney's View ...blogging from Emerald Isle, NC

I know, it's been forever since I last visited this blog.
There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day...

A lot of my friends in RL and Online have asked me, "What is your religious background?"
I don't usually answer that question as it is a personal question, and for me, very hard to explain. So, I have decided to update my blog, to reflect who the real spiritual me is.

I was raised by divorced parents. It's not really a surprise, as my mother was raised Roman Catholic, and my father was raised Protestant. Dad attended a Lutheran Church as a youngster. When I was somewhere between 2 and 3 years old, Dad became a Born Again Christian, and started attending an Assembly of God Church (Pentecostal).

I lived with my Mother along with my older brother and younger sister. Dad had visitation with me on the weekends. So, I grew up Pentecostal.

I was very active in church, attending both morning and evening services on Sundays, youth group events mid week and fund raising for the youth group on Saturday mornings.
All was well until the year I turned 14. That year, our church hired a new youth pastor. The 1st thing that struck me as very, very wrong was, during one of our services, he addressed all of the female members, saying,
"Ladies, keep in mind: If you are sunbathing in your back yard, and your neighbor looks over and sees your flesh with lust and desire in his heart, you are just as guilty of adultery as your neighbor. You should keep yourself covered and modest at all times".
I disagreed, and went to the church Pastor. He actually agreed with the youth pastor!!!
I raised the argument: "So, my single mother puts food on our table by working two jobs. One of them is tending bar at night. Does that mean that since her bar tending shift ends at two AM and she rarely gets out until two-thirty, that if walking to her car she is accosted and raped in the parking lot, it's her fault"?
Both pastors agreed, that as her chosen "profession" yes, she pretty much asked for it!
I said "BULLSHIT"! I didn't like their answer, but the final straw was yet to come.

One of the newest members of our youth group named "Ray" came from a very troubled home life. He had shoulder length wavy hair, a slow but beautiful smile, and wore blue jeans, tee shirts, and a bad ass blue jean jacket. I almost loved him from the day he walked through the door. The youth pastor would often give him strange, disapproving looks which kind of puzzled me. A few weeks after the "adultery" talk, the youth pastor addressed Ray personally in the youth service, he said, "Ray, as you have now been coming here for over a month, surely you know that you dress inappropriately for church. You really need to cut your hair, and start honoring God by dressing decently".

At that I hit the roof and quite frankly had had enough! I got up and pointed out that Jesus didn't break bread with the Sadducees and Pharisees, nor did he wear Nike, Lacoste or Polo fashion. He spent time spreading Love and tolerance!!! That was it for me! Ray and I both walked out the door and never returned to that church. I often wonder whatever happened to him. His father was a mean drunk and physically abused Ray's mother. After we left the church, I only saw him one time. His family ended up moving quite suddenly.

After that incident, I still considered myself a Christian and visited many, many different churches. I never found one that believed as I did. They always seemed to focus on hellfire, damnation and sin. I wanted to focus on love and acceptance. I think that it's more important to teach others through love and tolerance what good values and morals are.

Fast forward 10 years....

I met my Husband Dave when we both worked at Domino's Pizza. Dave is one of the kindest people I have ever known, with a very strong conviction of what is moral and just. He was too young for me at the time. He was 20 and I was 24. That isn't such a big thing now, but it was at the time! We never really discussed religion. As the years went by and our friendship blossomed and developed, the only thing that really concerned me was the fact that he is an atheist. I was not.

Dave and I started dating 5 years after meeting when I was 29 and he was 25. We were very compatible and the best of friends as well. That was a difficult year for me as I had been separated from my 1st husband for a year (a total douche bag I might add), and was just finalizing my divorce with him.

I admit, I had reservations about dating Dave, as I thought I might someday change my mind and want to have children. I know from experience how difficult it can be on kids that have parents with different religions, let alone one christian and one atheist parent!!! I told Dave that if I were to have kids, I would want to raise them with "christian" morals and values. He asked me if I believed he had neither since he was an atheist... I thought about it for a short time and realized that I had pre-conceived notions in my head that didn't reflect what I knew to be true.

And that, my friends what set me on my journey to truly examine what was ingrained in my head from indoctrination, and what set me on a quest to find my own path, the one that is unique and right for me.

I have read many books, attended seminars and have talked to a lot of people from every walk of life, religion and belief system possible. What I came up with is this:

My 10 Statements of Truth:

1. I am spiritual, without being "religious".
2. I don't accept that there is one true god, or supreme being.
3. There may well be other highly evolved beings out there, but if so they live on a different plane of existence or in a dimension that I can not see. I don't believe that it is impossible, but I can't prove that they exist either.
4. My beliefs are closer to Pagan (some might call it heathen) than any other belief system.
5. I do not bow down to or worship anyone or anything.
6. I believe life force is energy. That I can feel.
7. I experience great joy when I feel positive energy around me.
8. Everything elemental holds energy. I feel when I handle crystals, stones, when I light candles, when I breathe in salt air from the ocean, in the sand under my feet.
9. I accept that animals probably have a better understanding of these things as I don't believe they are encumbered by emotional thought like humans are.
10. I believe that our life force is energy that recycles back into existence when we die, but do not accept a soul as something that goes to heaven or hell, but rather is released from our bodies to rejoin energy, as power.

The ten statements of truth above are mine. They may not ring true for you, and that is fine. We each have our own path, our own truths, and our own realities.